Slander Confetti

And another one. 9. Of us. So far. Same modus operandi. Same exhausted, hurt person who just wants her to go (and stay) away.

And another 2 former clients reached out for convos in the last 2 weeks; the Queer community is TINY here in Vancouver, WA. As I had hoped, they found (in one case, was directed to) this blog and were able to examine the court history of the source of the gross statements still floating around (you really can’t put confetti back in the can, folx). I’m grateful these people were able to protect their internal work, had the rapport they needed with me to reach out, and briefly talk through impact and next steps.

It’s hard to make sense of something so senseless: How one person can be so incredibly, relentlessly, and sequentially awful to other people and never bother to evolve through the consequences (and she has some significant ones in her dumpsterfire bank…and keeps adding). I’m hoping all of this legal system involvement brings forward a kind, just and healthy outcome this time–but so much is out of my hands. Here’s where faith or optimism comes in handy.

And I, my friends, am not an optimist by disposition…I have to really work at it. And Faith and I are working on our relationship in spiritual bootcamp. So, stay tuned.

My first really excellent therapist observed something about my early 30’s self in one of our sessions back in the day. She said: “You’re kind of obsessed with knowing things.” She was right. Finding meaning in things, digging up (or postulating) origin stories, were all fascinating (if not necessary) parts of how I put the world around me together to help me feel safer in the chaos. Impose some sort of order I could live with–messy as that order always is.

Predicting how things will end–more like, being invested in a particular outcome and trying to influence it into existence–created a map of where I was heading. Gave both direction and purpose.

Over time, that obsession with knowing things served me really well in a lot of ways but I also have been humbled by Life as she laughs in my muddy, bloody face as my Beautiful Plans (TM) are toppled over on the ground next to me (wait, is that my TOOTH in the dirt?!!). Among other things, this experience is offering yet another (unasked for but clearly useful) opportunity to practice the art of doing all I can that’s in line with my values, and letting the rest go.

Maybe between the legal system involvement and court orders, the connecting of past victims, and a dose of attention-getting-tough-Love from the Universe will disincentivize this behavior in the future. Maybe other victims will get fed up and push through on their own legal action for past or future transgressions. Maybe people will do more diligence before going on dates, or otherwise allowing her to involve herself in their lives.

Maybe there will be really limited fallout and the original purpose of this blog will be obsolete, very soon.

I have no idea. And it’s not mine to figure out. I can just practice faith that lining up my behavior behind my values keeps me pointed at the *actual* purpose of this. This equally numinous and banal quandary is part of some purpose. I just need to steward my side of the street and keep it pushing.

RETURN HOME