Slander Confetti

When people are able to avoid appropriate, natural consequences to abusive/toxic behavior, engagement with the legal system may become useful/necessary.

https://www.washingtonlawhelp.org/ (search Protection Orders for guidance)

https://www.courts.wa.gov/forms/ (multiple forms under Protection Orders half way down the page)

Here’s something of a punch-list to get you started on a PO, if you want to go that route. (Also, the more of a legal system paper-trail the better; she has 3 active restraining orders against her and one that was a year-long from 2022. This mounting history is the other reason I’m being taken seriously and you may be more likely to as well, now that Stalking is added to her growing list of documented offenses. Do a case search here for COMPLETED cases with last/first name, as the middle name throws things off: https://odysseyportal.courts.wa.gov/odyportal)
You’ll notice some retaliation attempts that were denied summarily.

1) Prepare your home and person. Consider a security system that records footage and/or be prepared with your phone to video record her.

I already had an excellent (and expensive) security system at my home, and practice using it to give the police videos. I think a huge reason the police have been so effective in this case is because they have all the evidence they needed to bring charges and develop probable cause.

She went to jail for the 2nd time because I had eye witnesses AND her GPS monitor proved she was in my space for several minutes. The police told me I should be prepared to record her as long as the protection order is in place.

On a need-to know basis, let your community/friends/family/colleagues know what is happening and that this person has a long history of retaliating abusively using slander and libel. It helps with step 3.

2) Express clearly your intention of no-contact directly to her. Use at least one format that can be submitted as evidence.

Mine looked like this in an email which was part of my evidence sent to police: “There is no reason for you to ever visit my mailbox, my yard or home, my places of business. There is no reason for you to contact me or any of my family and chosen family and friends. This is your only warning. The next will come in the form of police intervention.”

3) Prepare for the backlash. On a need-to-know basis tell your community/colleagues/employer/clients. This person is rapidly losing credibility with the courts and soon with her current tiny circle of very troubled supporters.

That said, the relational/reputational abuse tactics she makes use of are miserable and could have long-term, granular impact (like trying to put confetti back in its container). Find your thought partners on how to best manage impact on yourself, your social/professional connections. I’m happy to share ideas with you.

4) Collect your evidence and contact 3-1-1 unless you feel immediately threatened, then use 9-1-1. Texts, emails, videos, photos, screenshots are all the types of evidence police can move on. Spoken reports are less effective, but if you have corroborating witnesses that helps.

Do NOT respond to her. This weakens your boundary with her AND for good or for ill makes you less credible to the system. It’s also not worth ingesting her verbal abuse; have files/folders/emails you don’t check regularly as a place to receive and review evidence.

Get the case number and the name of the original officer. It can be helpful to reference that in your petition to the court for an order of protection (forms in second link above). File it promptly and follow all instructions from the court (on the forms) and police. If you are nervous about police engagement for any reason, I’m happy to support you if I can.

5) Ask the court for alternative service if possible. MC has evaded service from privately hired servers and uniformed VanPD officers. VanPD offers it for free, so I recommend using them first. You can also check with the courts to see who her attorney du jour is and have the order sent there.

I liked https://www.proofserve.com/ for private service

6) Wait. Live your life, mindfully (and well!). Follow instructions from police and courts. That first part is hard. And the rest takes up more of your life than a person like this deserves. Take amazing care of yourself and enlist your people, places, practices to buoy you during this time.

7) For true no-contact, consider changing your phone number. There are pros and cons to this one. Check with what the police suggest in your case. This person uses a litany of different phone numbers and emails to try to contact her victims after they’ve blocked her.

8) Do what is the very best for YOU and YOUR context. No-one knows better than you and your trusted ones what is best for you. If you cross paths with her (or people like her) you will be left with an array of crappy choices. Pick the best ones for your situation, stick with them and/or revise as necessary.

To the myriad people who continue to lean in and make contact with me about your experiences: I am so thankful! Your stories are important. They are yours. Use them or keep them in a way that best honors yourself and your life. I’ll be rooting for you from afar or near, regardless of whether you choose to engage with the legal system or not.

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